Best Sex Writing 2012: The State of Today’s Sexual Culture
April 8, 2012 § 29 Comments
I’m going to nutshell it for you: sluts, politics, pleasure, religion, cash, queerness, STDs, youth, age, crime, violence, body image, history, lust, leather, blow jobs and F bombs. What else do you need to know?
In her introduction, Susie Bright aligned the curation of this anthology with the childhood fun of building a time capsule in a Tupperware bowl, to be buried for posterity. I can see that. There are pieces that exemplify our times. But there are also essays I believe will stand the test of time.
My favorites being To All the Butches I Loved between 1995 and 2005: An Open Letter about Selling Sex, Selling Out, and Soldiering On by Amber Dawn. And not just because we toured together for a month while performing with the Sex Workers Art Show back in 2004. (OMG… best tour mate ever!) But because Amber writes from her heart and with a perspective that is raw yet inviting. She’s easy to love.
I also love the warmth of Lynn Harris’ Dating with an STD. Gone were the scare tactics and judgments. Left behind were her words of kindness and notes on the realities of lives touched by STDs.
I was soaking in nostalgia as I read Abby Tallmer’s Losing the Meatpacking District: A Queer History of Leather Culture, as the ol’ NYC meatpacking district was once one of my beloved, gritty stomping grounds. (Where else could one chat up a transgender hooker and a blood splattered meat packer while wearing greasepaint? And that was just a normal course of my work day!)
I also enjoyed Rachel Kramer Bussel’s Penis Gagging, BDSM, and Rape Fantasy: The Truth about Kinky Sexting where she addresses the hotness of sexting and how, when taken out of context, lustful words can be twisted in the worst ways.
Selected and introduced by Susie Bright, edited by the very prolific Rachel Kramer Bussel, inside you’ll find this book to be a very thoughtful collection of essays on sex.
Leave a comment to this post (before 11:29pm (eastern time) on 4/8) and you are entered to win a copy of Best Sex Writing 2012! (Contest is over. CONGRATULATIONS to Heather! Much thanks to everyone who entered… there will be more contests. I promise. xo)
You might also enjoy: Books My Friends Have Written | Phone Sex Operators | Disaster Was My God: The Outlaw Life of Arthur Rimbaud
The Low Down on Going Down: Safer Oral Sex
April 5, 2012 § 3 Comments
Everyone knows I am strong advocate for both awesome oral sex and safer sex. Much of the world believes oral sex is the safest sex, but the truth is that any oral, vaginal or anal sex leaves us vulnerable to infections.
I had the fortune of meeting Alan, this awesome advocate for oral health screenings. He is also a three-time survivor of oral cancer himself. He told me…
It is my belief is that there is a lot of confusion because of three somewhat contradictory facts.
- The growth in oral cancers is associated with cancers where the HPV-16 virus is evident. If caught early this cancer is highly treatable with minimal loss in speaking and swallowing abilities.
- People who have had 6 or more sexual partners (different studies talk about oral and vaginal sex partners) are 9 times more likely to get oral cancer.
- There is no link between HPV presence in the mouth and the development of a tumor within any reasonable length of time. HPV is not a pre-cancerous signal that says medical professionals have to watch the person real closely.
What does that leave you with? Well safe sex sounds nice for oral sex (condoms and dental dams/saran wrap, but as you know while many people may practice safe sex for vaginal or anal sex, they are much less likely to do so for oral.
This left me with a ridiculously simple recommendation. See your dentist and get oral cancer exams during normal check-ups even if you don’t smoke/chew tobacco, practice good dental hygiene (brushing and flossing) to make it more difficult for the virus to attach itself to the gums, if you use mouthwash, avoid alcohol based mouthwashes, and know the symptoms and if they persist see a medical professionals.
Much thanks Alan for all the light you shine on this issue. It helps everyone know know to make more informed decisions and to better care for themselves.
And know how to use barriers. It’s easier than you might think! For example, here is a dental damn. They are so thin and sultry feeling. You hardly know it’s there and it’s an easy way to protect your mouth and their vulva and anus. And check out this super cool Dental Dam Harness! It makes safer sex a little more kinky! (If you don;t have a dental dam handy, Suran Wrap is a perfectly good oral barrier. Just not as sexy to me.)
Get some of these super sexy latex gloves. Slather them with silicone lube and everyone will line up for your touch! (You think I’m kidding?)
And these flavored condoms are surprisingly tasty! Put a drop of lube inside the condom before you slide it down his shaft, this way he will feel wetness with the warmth of your mouth. Yum.
Ask your dentist for an oral cancer screening the next time you see them.
More resources: Planned Parenthood | Head & Neck Cancer Alliance | Oral Cancer Foundation
Illustration by Stu Helm.
You might also enjoy: Ducky’s Guide to UTI Prevention | How to Talk with Your Kids about Sex | Dear Ducky: I Have HPV
Dear Ducky: I Have HPV
January 18, 2012 § 4 Comments
Dear Ducky,
I just got a call from my gyno saying I’ve contracted the HPV virus. They say it’s not a huge deal, a lot of women have it and that I just need to keep an eye out to prevent cervical cancer.
I freaked out. I have no symptoms; I just got the test because it was offered. They said I’ve never been checked for it in there office because the usual blood tests don’t search for HPV. I guess I could have contracted it long ago. I thought I was getting tested for everything with each pap smear and that gave me a clean bill of health?
Am I likely to get a cancer? Warts? What can I do to keep my body healthy and not feel like it’s the end of the world?
-I Have HPV
Dear IHHPV,
News like this can be shocking. But take a deep breath. There are reasons why your doctor said it was not the end of the world. One of those reasons is that HPV is so wide spread that gynecologists consider it to be a “benchmark of sexual activity.” In other words they assume all humans have it. Most doctors do not bother testing for it unless you specifically ask.
HPV is so common that Planned Parenthood reports about half of all men and more than 3 out of 4 women have HPV. But most people who have HPV don’t know it. Most people will have no symptoms.
What I am saying is that – you are normal. Nice, good, kind, beautiful people get sexually transmitted infections (STIs) everyday and HPV is the most prevalent.
What do you do now? Have a pap smear done every six months for the next three years. This will check for any cell change in your cervix. If all is well after 3 years, start to go yearly. It does not sound like you have any visible warts (inside or outside). During a pap your doctor looks for internal warts. If you have them externally, you’ll feel them while you wash your vulva and will be able to see them if you look at your body with a mirror.
If warts develop, make an appointment and your doctor will remove them. This procedure takes a moment in an office visit. Internal strains of HPV are the one that have a chance of developing into cervical cancer. But if you are getting regular paps, you will see any cell change early and they can treat you.
Try not to let this drive you crazy. Find ways to be kind to yourself – call a friend, go for a walk, get a massage… Because like I said – nice, good, kind, beautiful people get sexually transmitted infections everyday. And they are still totally loveable. It all starts with you loving yourself.
Get more info from Planned Parenthood’s HPV page.