Sex for Survivors
July 12, 2012 § 5 Comments
It seems the longer I live, the more people I meet, the more I feel like everyone has survived some kind of trauma.
It could be an accident, a surgery, a birth defect, or a war. It could be a childhood experience or something that happened as an adult. It may have been ongoing or a onetime thing. It may have been at the hands of someone you knew casually, someone who was supposed to love you the most, or perhaps it was a stranger. Often people are thriving despite their emotional and physical scars.
I have spent the last 8 years working with the Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention counselor. Much of that time was spent in the emergency room with survivors, and in recent years I have been honored to be a part of the training team that brings new counselors into the emergency room each year. And I have survived a lot myself.
Survivors are so often very proactive people. Nothing stops them. One common obstacle many survivors face is sex. If you find during sex you feel disconnected, foggy, alienation from your own body, vulnerable, anxiety, anger, distrust, a low sex drive, lack of desire, lack of physical response, grief or fear – you are not alone. Here are a few resources that ay help.
(Is there a resource you think should be added to this post? Please leave a comment or email me.)
HELP IN HEALING:
- Courage to Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of Sexual Abuse (book)
- Healing Painful Sex: A Woman’s Guide to Confronting, Diagnosing, and Treating Sexual Pain (book) Helps a person zero in on the issue and find ways to live with and move beyond physical pain.
- Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma (book)
- Healing from Trauma: A Survivor’s Guide to Understanding Your Symptoms and Reclaiming Your Life (book)
- Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body (book)
- Health Care without Shame: A Handbook for The Sexually Diverse And Their Care Givers (book) If you are queer, gender defiant or live any kind of alternative lifestyle, this book will help you find a qualified doctor and find better ways to communicate your needs with all health care professionals.
- Immediate Ways to Cope with Trauma (PDF tip sheet) (Español)
- Sex with the Lights On (book) I wrote this book. Just a warm Q&A style book to help you better understand your pleasure anatomy and find more ways to enjoy and share your body.
- Have You Been Assaulted? (PDF tip sheet) (Español)
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National network) (800) 656-HOPE A free 24-hours-a-day hotline for survivors of sexual abuse, rape and domestic violence.
- Sexual Assault Recovery Guide (PDF tip sheet)
- 10 Signs You May be Experiencing Relationship Abuse (PDF tip sheet) (Español)
- 10 Signs of Domestic Violence & Abuse (PDF tip sheet) (Español)
- Are You Being Abused? Tip Card (PDF tip sheet) (Español)
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-7233
- Network for Battered Lesbians & Bisexual Women (website)
- Project Safe (PDF service guide) (Español) Free lock change service in NYC
CHILDHOOD ABUSE SURVIVORS:
- Allies in Healing: When The Person You Love Was Sexually Abused As A Child (book)
- Survivors Guide to Sex: How to Have a Great Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse (book)
SEX & SUBSTANCE ABUSE:
- Awakening Your Sexuality: A Guide for Recovering Women (book) A great book if alcohol or substance abuse has affected your life.
- Safe Horizon NYC Resources (website) Including… Domestic Violence, Rape & Sexual Assault, Child Abuse, Stalking, Anti-Trafficking Program, Schools and Homeless Youth, Families of Homicide Victims, Streetwork Project for Homeless Youth, Child Advocacy Centers, Domestic Violence Law Project, Immigration Law Project, Counseling Centers, Community Programs, Court Programs, and Domestic Violence Shelters.
- Safe Horizon National Resources (website) Including… General Crime Victim Issues, Bias Crimes, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence & Dating Abuse, Help for Men Who Batter, Male Sexual Assault, Men Who are Abused, Rape & Sexual Assault, Stalking, U.S. Immigrant Issues, Youth Violence, Benefit Programs, and September 11th Healing and Recovering.