Everything You’d Ever Want to Know
January 31, 2012 § Leave a Comment
Eden Fantasys is a very unique website. Not only do they retail toys and other sexy goodies, but they have built an entire online community. It’s pretty awesome. The whole Eden Fantasys community spent last week compiling questions for me. With more than 100 very well thought out questions – I’m still answering them! You read it all here.
Here’s just one question:
EF: What has been your favorite place to have spoken at? Why was it your favorite?
Ducky: Oh wow. It’s so hard to pick just one! I loved presenting for the Catholic women’s organization. They invited me to do a basic Q&A. About a month before the event, it was promoted in some printed and online newsletters. It really ruffled the feather of some people. The women’s organization was told to cancel the event. People protested in person and through a letter writing campaign to the Archdiocese of New York.
The protesters talked about me like I was the devil himself. And I had no problem with that. Protest, get angry, talk all you want. It will not stop me.
But the beautiful thing? This group of women knew it was their right to have this honest conversation about sexuality. They refused to cancel the event. I love how committed they were to both their religion and their rights, despite it all. We did however have the event at a secret location to avoid any disruption.
You might also enjoy: Dear Ducky: I Have HPV | Worst Lube Ever | Ducky’s Guide to Cock Rings
Worst Lube Ever
January 20, 2012 § 10 Comments
One night, many years ago, a woman corners me at a bar. She was drunk. Very drunk. She knows who I am and what I do for a living. She asked me so earnestly and with much spittle, “There has GOT to be something better than Vasoline!?”
“For what?” I asked.
“SEX! Sex.”
There she was, this 20-something, beautiful woman using Vaseline as a lubricant for intercourse. That gooey, thick byproduct of gasoline? How on earth could she not know about lube? I was a little stunned. But ever the professional I kept my cool. I gave her the facts, a list of lubes, places to shop and just hoped for the best.
But the idea that people may be using Vaseline for sex play with partners still haunts me. It reaffirms the fact that I have a lot more work to do in this world.
On a similar note, I remember the first-time anal sex tale that Augusten Burroughs tells in Running With Scissors. He was young and in the moment, he confessed to using Queen Helene Hair Conditioner as anal lube. That story was touching to me because it was told through they eyes of a young person and with such honesty.
These tales tell us that if unprepared, the human animal with lube up with the crazy shit. So tell me, what is the worst things you have ever heard of people using as sexual lubricant? You can form your response in a “I had a friend once who…” or “I heard of a guy who…” format. We totally will not assume it was you. (Ha!)
You might also enjoy: Dear Ducky: I Have HPV | Lube Is Not a Luxury | Ducky’s Guide to Cock Rings
Dear Ducky: I Have HPV
January 18, 2012 § 4 Comments
Dear Ducky,
I just got a call from my gyno saying I’ve contracted the HPV virus. They say it’s not a huge deal, a lot of women have it and that I just need to keep an eye out to prevent cervical cancer.
I freaked out. I have no symptoms; I just got the test because it was offered. They said I’ve never been checked for it in there office because the usual blood tests don’t search for HPV. I guess I could have contracted it long ago. I thought I was getting tested for everything with each pap smear and that gave me a clean bill of health?
Am I likely to get a cancer? Warts? What can I do to keep my body healthy and not feel like it’s the end of the world?
-I Have HPV
Dear IHHPV,
News like this can be shocking. But take a deep breath. There are reasons why your doctor said it was not the end of the world. One of those reasons is that HPV is so wide spread that gynecologists consider it to be a “benchmark of sexual activity.” In other words they assume all humans have it. Most doctors do not bother testing for it unless you specifically ask.
HPV is so common that Planned Parenthood reports about half of all men and more than 3 out of 4 women have HPV. But most people who have HPV don’t know it. Most people will have no symptoms.
What I am saying is that – you are normal. Nice, good, kind, beautiful people get sexually transmitted infections (STIs) everyday and HPV is the most prevalent.
What do you do now? Have a pap smear done every six months for the next three years. This will check for any cell change in your cervix. If all is well after 3 years, start to go yearly. It does not sound like you have any visible warts (inside or outside). During a pap your doctor looks for internal warts. If you have them externally, you’ll feel them while you wash your vulva and will be able to see them if you look at your body with a mirror.
If warts develop, make an appointment and your doctor will remove them. This procedure takes a moment in an office visit. Internal strains of HPV are the one that have a chance of developing into cervical cancer. But if you are getting regular paps, you will see any cell change early and they can treat you.
Try not to let this drive you crazy. Find ways to be kind to yourself – call a friend, go for a walk, get a massage… Because like I said – nice, good, kind, beautiful people get sexually transmitted infections everyday. And they are still totally loveable. It all starts with you loving yourself.
Get more info from Planned Parenthood’s HPV page.
Ducky’s Guide to Cock Rings
January 12, 2012 § 6 Comments
Cock ring are an amazing way to expand a guy’s orgasmic experience. They appear to be pretty simple things but actually have many shapes, sizes and features that are worth understanding.
If you are new to cock rings, you should start by trying a stretchy ring and work your way up to a more solid ring if you are so inclined. If you’re looking to use a solid, more advanced users ring, having the right size is essential.
Wearing a ring that is too loose will limit how effective the ring will be. Wearing a ring that is too tight can cause pain or even cause priapism, which means an erection that does not go away. It may sound funny or exciting to have an everlasting erection, but this condition is painful and may require medical attention. I hope this guide will help you have the best experience possible.
FAQ
What size am I?
A well fitting cock ring should give you enough room where you can put it on or remove it at will, but be tight enough to deliver lots of sensation as you wear it.
To measure your body, use a piece of string. Loop it behind your balls and bring both ends of the string to the front where your penis meets your abdomen. Find a comfortable amount of snugness and mark the area where the two side of string meet with a marker. Measure the string in inches (this will be your circumference) and divide it by 3.14. That number is your diameter and how cock ring are sized. Most men measure about 1 7/8 to 1 ¾.
Quick Cock ring Sizing Chart
5.50” = 1 3/4” ring
5.89” = 1 7/8” ring
6.28” = 2” ring
How does a cock ring work?
What the cock ring will do is restrict the veins that allow blood to flow out of your penis. You will have two subtle sensations – you will feel harder and you will feel bigger. It will also take you longer to orgasm and then it will be more intense.
How do I put a cock ring on?
Put your whole package (penis and balls) through the cock ring. Put a little lubrication on the inside of the ring then start by gently pushing one ball through the ring at a time. Then carefully push your semi-erect penis through the ring. Once in place, you can go about your regular sex play.
But note: some people report that they like to wear the ring on just their shaft, and not around their whole package. So feel free to experiment and find what suits you best.
How long can I wear a cock ring?
Cock ring should not be worn for extended periods of time. You should not sleep with a cock ring on. If you feel pain or numbness in your penis or testicles, remove the ring. If you are new to wearing a cock ring, I recommend starting with no more than about 15 to 20 minutes.
What if my erection will not go down and I cannot get the ring off my body?
This is why I recommend a stretchy or snap style ring to new users. It is only a solid metal or wood ring that will cause this issue.
If it happens to, don’t panic. Instead, try to relax, slow down your heart rate and circulatory system – including the rate of blood flow to your penis. Also taking a cold shower or bath will help your penis become more flaccid.
There are now silicone rings that give the feel of a solid ring but can be removed if your erection locks up. Just use the tip of scissors and nip the edge, sacrificing the ring.
Some Types of Rings
Get to know the various types of rings out there. When shopping I do recommend avoiding chrome rings. Much like a chrome bumper on your car, with repeated exposure to water and sweat, they do degrade.
Also the cheap vibrating rings that one finds in the pharmacy (among other places) are usually disposable. They have a very short battery life span of about 20-40 minutes. Perfect for a cheap date, but not for a lasting cock ring relationship.
Explore these:
Stretchy | Vibrating | Loop | Leather | Neoprene | Silicone | Sling | Wood (nsfw) | Stainless Steel
You might also enjoy: Goodies For Duck Lovers | T Rex by Tantus | Survival Sex
Ask Me Anything Hour
December 12, 2011 § Leave a Comment
Every now and then I do an Ask Me Anything Hour on my facebook and twitter. Here are some of the most recent questions.
Have you always had that infectious laugh?
Yes. My whole life. And I have a sister who has the exact same laugh. People would confuse us by the sound of our laughs.
I love you on the Derek and Romaine Show any future visits or guest hosting dates?
Contact Romaine and make the demand. She’ll have me if you ask.
What’s your favorite sexy movie?
I love films… Harold & Maude, I think. I saw it when I was 14 and it changed the way I saw the world. (Doh! Did not see “sexy” in the question… then maybe… anything with Salma Hayak!)
What’s your favorite thing to do when you discover you have a rare free afternoon/evening?
Get sunshine. On my roof or on the streets of NYC. I take photos of street art. Laugh around with friends.
What inspired you to be so open and outgoing or were you always this way?
I used to suffer from shyness and extreme anxiety. Now I just suffer from shyness. Mostly I have a need to rid the world of undo shame. So I talk about things that others might hesitate to address. Like sex. Or money. Or bodies. Or beauty. Or love.
What’s your hands-down absolutely favorite go-to toy? I need to put something fun in somebody’s stocking.
Hitachi Magic Wand. No doubt.
Doesn’t a trip to sunny Florida sound nice? Tampa are in general, our place to be more specific…
I have a venue in Florida where I may have an upcoming appearance. But it’s Orlando.
Will you be doing more online classes soon?
YES! Most certainly. Sign up for my newsletter to stay in my loop.
Squirting… is it always like liquid or can it be creamy too?
Squirting is liquid. Like tears. Salty, with no smell. Creamy or slippery is not unusual but a product of the cervix.
How many monkeys does it take to have one awesome rodeo?
One. A strawberry yogurt eatin’ one. (A question in reference to my favorite monkey.)
Where can find the best gallery of photos of you?
Good question. In the New Year I’ll B starting a daily tumblr of favorite photos. ‘Til then I think it’s just my facebook page.
Is everything OK, you seem kind of angry lately?
Angry? No. Rabbid? Perhaps.
What’s the fastest someone can expect to go from zero to full anal?
With lube? Some can do it at the speed of light. Others… not so much.
I’m on vacation in LA, where is the best place to shop?
I don’t know. I always get stripper heels and lingerie on Hollywood Blvd!
Spank or be spanked?
Spanked.
What’s your favorite sexy libation?
Lube.
Three famous people you would like to fu*k?
Selma Heyak. Ummm…. that’s the only famous one. Usually I like extraordinarily confident yet understated types.
Darkest fantasy?
Darker than one might imagine. And expressed to some degree in my upcoming book.
Ducky, do you ever plan to come to El Paso, Texas?
Nope. But one never knows with me. Is there a university there? That’s who usually sponsors me.
Thunder in the Mountains… would you even be up for that?
I have yet to attend an event if that nature, but yes. Totally.
Do monkeys really ride dogs in rodeos?
Yes.
When are you coming back to Seattle!?!
Not soon enough.
When do we get to make more lists!?
I will dream some up and get them started ASAP.
How did you get into the Graffiti love?
I grew up in the streets of NYC when it looked like an apocalypse and the trains were gloriously marked up. It’s just part of my culture.
What are your favorite foreign movies?
Most recently… I enjoyed a beautiful, dark and twisted film called Oldboy. It is a Korean film.